"And the award for Beautiful Finished Feet goes to...number 312 Ballerina!!"
"AHHHHHHH!!"
"You look shocked are
you shocked?"
"Uh YEAH"
"Why are you so shocked?"
"Umm I don't know...Yeah Sure..."
I love the world of dance. If you read my other post, you are probably sitting there saying "Oh my God all she writes about is dance whatafreak." Haha I do write about dance a lot I suppose, because I dance a lot. It is my entire life. Dance, then everything else...It is the natural order, the way things have to be to stay...sane. And I really don't mind that at all, especially when we get all high golds and a PLATINUM, plus 5 special awards and a Best Choreography award, at our first competition of the season! The entry fees, the makeup that stays on for days, the half can of hairspray left, the laundry, the glitter - it all pays off. Every sweaty piece of clothing and empty water bottle has a purpose: go out there and show the judges and other dancers just how great you are and how much potential you have as a dancer, a performer, an artist.
Now what to do with the talent is the question. Stay in competitions, for sure. Dance Showcase at school, of course. But I need extracurricular activities to get accepted into the National Honors Society next year. My teacher that choreographed that platinum performance is going to be the dance team coach at my high school. So I could do that. Or I could be in the school musical. The upside - it only goes from September to November, and the teacher who runs it loves me. The downside - I'd have to put up with some people that don't really like me. Or I could just do the school paper that I already signed up for and not stuff five million things on my petite sophmore plate.
I already have a lot: homework for 4 honors classes, dance 4 days a week, and my friends. Who really don't get to see me much because I have dance. But I don't have many friends, and I don't think I'm that much of a people person anyway. I'm nice, but sometimes people don't get my jokes and they think I'm lame. I think I get it from my mom; she thinks friends are a waste of time and energy and she only has a few. But she has been getting friendlier towards the dance moms; they are really nice.
I thought I was really nice too. But lately I've been thinking about it. Maybe I'm not as nice as I think. I mean yeah, I always get a hall pass and I never do anything against the rules. But maybe my social skills are a little screwy. I think I talk too much. And it's always a secret or something private about someone that spills. Like when I told my best girl friend something about my best guy friend. And then I told him I told her. And then he told me to tell her that he was kidding. And then I told her that he told me to tell her that I was kidding, but that he told me he wasn't. I get really frustrated sometimes. But I do it anyway. And I don't want to anymore. Which brings me to...
Quote Of The Day:
"The measure of success is not whether you have a
tough problem to deal with, but whether it is the same problem you had last
year."-- John Foster Dulles
I always do the wrong thing when I know it is wrong. Well, in any issues that don't concern drinking, drugs, crime, or sex. I guess I don't mind getting yelled at because I am always forgiven. But then I lied to someone and wasn't forgiven. It actually ruined my life because he was the love of my life.
He sat with me on the bus and we talked about anything and everything. We were best friends. I had a boyfriend at the time. About a week after I broke up with him, this bus buddy asked me out. I said I wanted to wait because I did like him, but I was kinda stressed about the breakup plus I was really really sick at the time and didn't know what it was (it turned out to be mono and lyme disease). Also, I didn't want to hurt him by saying I'd go out and have it end up not working out because I wanted to be friends, and he said that he wouldn't care as long as he got a chance because he really liked me. A lot. For a long time. And we promised that if we broke up, we would be best friends.
It was all a lie.
I'll skip the inbetweens, but after almost 3 months we broke up. He called me and really obnoxiously called me a bunch of BS even though I was crying onthe other end, told me he didn't want to deal with me anymore, and hung up. The next day he apologized and told me that he wanted to stay friends because he promised, so I agreed. But then he told me that my idea of being stop-at-the-locker, talk-between-classes friends was too desperate, so he didn't talk to me for a month. Last week I told him I was sick of him being mad and I just wanted the fight to end because I still care about him and can't deal with seeing him ignore me every single day. It hurt. It was like ripping off a BandAid, because as much as it hurt, I had to do it because I couldn't say no. I didn't want to risk losing him for good, because even though he said he would never talk to me again, he did. I still feel like he needs me. Some of his friends are really mean people. I feel really protective of him, even after everything thats happened. And I would still be happy to kiss him. Which is sick and twisted when you think about it, but if you knew his adorable ex-lip-virgin verbal and physical romantic abilities you would understand -- and opt for that instead of a candlelight dinner any day.
He always told me I deserve better. I don't believe it now, but I might soon. I will soon.
The next thing I will do even sooner is go to sleep. No I didn't write all of this in an hour, and it is certainly not my best or most colorful blog, but oh well this weekend was EXHAUSTING. I will try to be better about updating. But since I always do the wrong thing, I think it will be a surprise for both of us.
Love,
Soyjoy <3
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